For All You Parents Out There...

Okay, so I admit it. I am definitely not a perfect parent and thus am quite an avid reader of parenting books. In fact, I read about one book every month, usually immediately following an extremely rough day of motherhood. You all know those days--the days that leave you feeling powerless and miserable. I've found that the only way for me to overcome those terrible feelings is to find some solutions. Not that I think all parenting books have the answers I am looking for. But I figure if I read enough books, chances are I will stumble over some great ideas. Well, I think I have hit a gold mine! "Positive Discipline" by Jane Nelsen is an amazing book. The author is a marriage and family counselor and...mother of SEVEN (my biggest pet peeve about parenting books is that too many of them are written by doctors who have no children!). This book is loaded with great principles and solutions that work.

Just a few principles I learned from this book:

1) Children misbehave for a reason. You can lessen and even eliminate certain misbehavior by understanding why children are acting up and taking steps to fill the need they are trying to fill by their misbehavior.
2) Guilt is not a necessary part of parenting. Where did we ever get the idea that in order to get a child (or anyone, for that matter) to act better, we first have to make them feel worse?
3) Punishment, although sometimes producing a temporary fix, often generates negative long-term results: resentment, rebellion, revenge, and retreat.
4) Children need to be allowed to experience the natural consequences for their actions (within reason, of course). This is the way they learn. For example: if they don't eat, they get hungry; if they stand in the rain, they get wet. As parents, we don't have to always shield them from these things. It is too much work for us, and then they never learn responsibility and accountability. It is important to allow children to make their own choices, then be a resource for them to help them make a better choice if they made a mistake. Teach children that mistakes are wonderful opportunities to learn and grow!
5) Logical consequence are appropriate when children make choices that interfere with the rights of others or are potentially harmful. All consequence must be related, respectful AND reasonable. If we leave out any of the 3 R's, it is a punishment and will probably produce negative long-term results.
6) Giving children age-appropriate chores helps them feel a sense of belonging and importance.
7) Spending regular quality one-on-one time with each child builds strong relationships and helps children misbehave less frequently.
8) Having weekly family meetings to solve problems helps keep a home running smoothly. These meetings help children learn self-discipline, responsibility, cooperation, problem-solving skills and accountability.

Well, there you go. A great book and like I said, it is founded on excellent principles. Already, it has proved to make a huge difference in my little toddler's behavior and in my sanity. By the way, I don't know if this book will be of much help until children are about three years and older, but I have another favorite book for younger toddlers, "The Happiest Toddler on the Block" by Harvey Karp (he also wrote one for infants). I also love "The Potentially Sane Mother's Guide to Raising Young Children" by Tamara Fackrell. What are your favorite parenting books?