Where do I start? Parenting is hard. Really hard. And because my husband is so busy with work and is also a perpetual student, I have come to find that near-single parenting is nearly impossible. I noticed a marked down-turn in my mothering spirits sometime around mid-November of last year. I had survived the first three months of the baby stage of child number three, which I had anticipated would be hard. But then I found myself completely stuck because instead of my life easing up at that point, it seemed to be getting harder and harder. Now, most of this was my own darn fault because I had the bright idea to start potty-training my 27 month-old son around that time, thinking that might make my life easier (you know 7 diapers a day instead of 14). What I forgot, of course, was that potty-training is much more difficult than changing diapers. . .
The other major mistake I made during my baby's first three month survival mode was changing my attitude toward my 4-year old daughter. Because she is my oldest and has the potential to be very independent, I suddenly decided that it was her job to always be on her best behavior. Without even realizing it, my expectations of her shot through the roof while my outward affection toward and quality time with her plummeting through the floor. Needless to say, the result was not pretty: MAJOR meltdowns in very frequent intervals (from both of us). Meanwhile, my little one has cut two teeth and has had two bad colds in the last six weeks and is now waking me up 3-4 times a night for comfort, which is usually in the form of milk. So sleep has been a pretty rare commodity.
During this time, I have gone through the whole spectrum of emotions about what I was going to do with my situation. My first reaction was just wallowing in my misery and wishing that I could run away from things. I found myself thinking, "What in the world am I doing with three children!!! I can't even take care of myself!" I started resenting everything about being a mother: cooking; cleaning; dealing with whining, fighting, disobedience; shopping, etc. Everyday seemed more bleak than the last and I knew I was really getting myself into a rut.
To top it all off, I have been trying to plan a Relief Society mini-class on parenting. Right? Now I probably need to make one disclaimer about this mini-class: the situation isn't as ironic as it may appear. No, nobody asked me to teach this class; I would probably be one of the last people in our ward qualified for such a thing. I was given the topic of "Marriage and Family" and was instructed to seek inspiration on what I thought the ward might need. Well, I knew what I needed to study the most and I imagine there are a few others in my shoes as well, so there you go.
So, parenting. I have learned a lot over the last couple of weeks of reading, pondering, planning. . . First of all, I came to the realization that I cannot be a better parent until I am a better person because no matter how much I read about good parenting theories, the only way the theories can be realized is if they are practiced. I have started looking more carefully at myself and making some goals (even though I hate that word) and already I have noticed a drastic change in my attitude and an increase in patience.
The second thing I realized is that this time right now with three little ones at home might end up being the hardest season of my parenting existence as far as the amount of emotional and physical strain. So guess what, I have finally accepted the fact that it is okay to slow down! My most important job is to be a mother and just enjoy my kids. I have put ALL of my projects on hold indefinitely and have tried to start out everyday just thinking of ways to make my job as a mother more fun and rewarding. And I made a goal to spend quality one-on-one time with each of my kids everyday, even if it's just for a few minutes.
Another thing I have tried to do is just lower my exectations all together. In one of the books I've been reading, it said: "Much exasperation is alleviated if I just expect several disasters a day. If nothing else, this eliminates the element of surprise. Sometimes it even adds to the excitement—keeping me wondering what will happen next." I thought this was hilarious and so helpful; much better than always expecting things to be perfect and constantly feeling frustrated.
And the last thing I have done is to fill my thoughts, words and actions with love for my children, instead of all the thoughts of inadequacy and negativity that have plagued me the last couple of months. Each of my children are so different; their little personalities present some challenges, but there is so much to love, learn from, and appreciate about them.
Making positive changes is hard work, but I am encourage by some of the good results I have seen even in the short time I have been working at it. I really do want to be a happy mother and not always wishing for things to be different than they are. More than anything in the world I want to raise happy, successful kids and have a peaceful home. And I know that most of this burden rests on me right now. But I am pleased to finally say that I am okay with that and am up for the challenge. . . at least for today. :)
