Time to go private...

So, I have been procrastinating this for a long time even though Ryan keeps telling me to make our blog private. But I think the time has come. I haven't been posting very much lately because I am up to my eyeballs in motherhood and whatnot, but I am hoping to do much better and I think having the blog private will make me less hesitant to write my true feelings. So you know what to do: leave a comment with your email and I will be sure to invite you. And I promise to erase your email address after.

Please don't hesitate to leave your email address even if we haven't talked for 10 or 15 years and you think I might not remember you. Trust me, I have a really long memory. But don't be so confident in my memory that you think I might have memorized your email address, even if we are best friends. I'm not that crazy. Okay, maybe I am, but not about email addresses. Anyway, I'd like to make the change in about a week, so don't forget.

Six Months Already

This little one of mine is growing up WAY too fast. I cannot believe Annalise is already six months old. It breaks my heart. I have just loved the baby stage so much with her, probably because she is my third and I realize how quickly it passes by. She is so precious and easy to love. Here are a few more pictures of her to enjoy.

Big smile showing off her new teeth.

"Smelling" the roses or eating them, whatever works.

Big girl sitting up. I love her little pink feet.

Mold, flu, and mud puddles

You know, there's always something. "If it's not one thing, it's two," as the sweet old lady I used to live with always told me. So, Preston is potty trained (FINALLY!!); I have retrained Annalise to only wake up once a night again; and I am getting along much better with Adelyn.

However, now we have mold inside our main level wall from a leaking upstairs toilet. Ryan tore the whole wall out on Saturday--sheetrock, insulation and all. Fun stuff.

And now my kids have the stomach flu, so I've been washing sheets and underwear like they're going out of style. Awesome.

But, surprisingly enough, I am still okay with life because I am a new woman. I have decided to just roll with the punches a little better and I know it is making a big difference. This attitude has made situations like the following a little easier to laugh (rather than cry) about:

I was walking across the parking lot with my kids the other day. I opened the van door and Adelyn got in. Then I started walking around to get Annalise in her carseat and Preston in his when he pulls away from me and runs across the parking lot toward a huge puddle. I'm in the middle of yelling: "Preston, get back here. Do NOT splash..." when to my horror he lays down on the muddy asphalt and starts lapping up the brown puddle water like a dog.

I was speechless, completely dumbfounded and frozen in time. He then proceeds to run back to the car, with a big satisfied wet grin on his face (his arms and legs covered in mud), and jump in his car seat while I just stare at him, still open-mouthed and bug-eyed. He is the craziest little boy! I don't have any idea what goes on in that little head of his. He was apparently REALLY thirsty.

A Bad Case of Parenting Blues

Where do I start? Parenting is hard. Really hard. And because my husband is so busy with work and is also a perpetual student, I have come to find that near-single parenting is nearly impossible. I noticed a marked down-turn in my mothering spirits sometime around mid-November of last year. I had survived the first three months of the baby stage of child number three, which I had anticipated would be hard. But then I found myself completely stuck because instead of my life easing up at that point, it seemed to be getting harder and harder. Now, most of this was my own darn fault because I had the bright idea to start potty-training my 27 month-old son around that time, thinking that might make my life easier (you know 7 diapers a day instead of 14). What I forgot, of course, was that potty-training is much more difficult than changing diapers. . .

The other major mistake I made during my baby's first three month survival mode was changing my attitude toward my 4-year old daughter. Because she is my oldest and has the potential to be very independent, I suddenly decided that it was her job to always be on her best behavior. Without even realizing it, my expectations of her shot through the roof while my outward affection toward and quality time with her plummeting through the floor. Needless to say, the result was not pretty: MAJOR meltdowns in very frequent intervals (from both of us). Meanwhile, my little one has cut two teeth and has had two bad colds in the last six weeks and is now waking me up 3-4 times a night for comfort, which is usually in the form of milk. So sleep has been a pretty rare commodity.

During this time, I have gone through the whole spectrum of emotions about what I was going to do with my situation. My first reaction was just wallowing in my misery and wishing that I could run away from things. I found myself thinking, "What in the world am I doing with three children!!! I can't even take care of myself!" I started resenting everything about being a mother: cooking; cleaning; dealing with whining, fighting, disobedience; shopping, etc. Everyday seemed more bleak than the last and I knew I was really getting myself into a rut.

To top it all off, I have been trying to plan a Relief Society mini-class on parenting. Right? Now I probably need to make one disclaimer about this mini-class: the situation isn't as ironic as it may appear. No, nobody asked me to teach this class; I would probably be one of the last people in our ward qualified for such a thing. I was given the topic of "Marriage and Family" and was instructed to seek inspiration on what I thought the ward might need. Well, I knew what I needed to study the most and I imagine there are a few others in my shoes as well, so there you go.

So, parenting. I have learned a lot over the last couple of weeks of reading, pondering, planning. . . First of all, I came to the realization that I cannot be a better parent until I am a better person because no matter how much I read about good parenting theories, the only way the theories can be realized is if they are practiced. I have started looking more carefully at myself and making some goals (even though I hate that word) and already I have noticed a drastic change in my attitude and an increase in patience.

The second thing I realized is that this time right now with three little ones at home might end up being the hardest season of my parenting existence as far as the amount of emotional and physical strain. So guess what, I have finally accepted the fact that it is okay to slow down! My most important job is to be a mother and just enjoy my kids. I have put ALL of my projects on hold indefinitely and have tried to start out everyday just thinking of ways to make my job as a mother more fun and rewarding. And I made a goal to spend quality one-on-one time with each of my kids everyday, even if it's just for a few minutes.

Another thing I have tried to do is just lower my exectations all together. In one of the books I've been reading, it said: "Much exasperation is alleviated if I just expect several disasters a day. If nothing else, this eliminates the element of surprise. Sometimes it even adds to the excitement—keeping me wondering what will happen next." I thought this was hilarious and so helpful; much better than always expecting things to be perfect and constantly feeling frustrated.

And the last thing I have done is to fill my thoughts, words and actions with love for my children, instead of all the thoughts of inadequacy and negativity that have plagued me the last couple of months. Each of my children are so different; their little personalities present some challenges, but there is so much to love, learn from, and appreciate about them.

Making positive changes is hard work, but I am encourage by some of the good results I have seen even in the short time I have been working at it. I really do want to be a happy mother and not always wishing for things to be different than they are. More than anything in the world I want to raise happy, successful kids and have a peaceful home. And I know that most of this burden rests on me right now. But I am pleased to finally say that I am okay with that and am up for the challenge. . . at least for today. :)

Several Christmas Posts...

Starting with Christmas morning:

One exciting little girl...

plus one baby in a Christmas suit...

plus one little boy with new ties and cars...

and one dad in new pajamas...

equals a very joyful Christmas morning.

Christmas Eve Night

We went to my parent's house for Christmas Eve for a nice meal and some fun with cousins. My sister who usually brings the nativity costumes couldn't make it this year, so we had to scrounge for costumes. Fortunately, my dad has about four robes; my mom has plenty of miscellaneous material strips and white batting; and we had plenty of styrofoam plates to make halos and wings. With some creativity and teamwork, the costumes turned out to be some of the cutest ever.

Dayah and Adelyn were two of the most darling angels ever.

Preston played the part of stable dog??

Annalise decided to wear her little Christmas suit to be festive.

More of the "Heavenly hosts" with my dad, the narrator, in the background. The kids did such a cute job. And my Aunt Judy played different songs on her violin throughout the performance between the passages of scripture. It was very well done; we should go on tour :). Then we sang Christmas carols afterwards. It was a very fun night.

Sometime around midnight, Santa visted our house and left some nice gifts for everyone. I admit, I was a bit surprised that my kids got gifts and candy and not coal in their stockings. :)

Adelyn's Preschool Program

Adelyn's preschool put on the most darling little Christmas program. They sang: "Rudolf," "Up on the Housetop,""Frosty the Snowman," "Santa Claus is Coming to Town," and "Once there was a Snowman." Adelyn did such a great job. She sang loud and did all the approriate actions. It was so much fun to watch.

There's Adelyn in the middle.

My great little performer. I love my Adelyn so much.

Holiday Lights

We had the good fortune of going to Thanksgiving Point and seeing the lights with my good friend Heather and her family. We went on the wagon ride and froze our toes off, but it was still so much fun. We sang Christmas songs and snuggled up with our kids to keep warm. It was a really neat light show this year. They added some beautiful displays of the real story of Christmas--the birth of baby Jesus--at the end.

This is one of the only pictures I have with Heather. She is such an amazing person and wonderful friend.

We went to the cafe afterwards and defrosted from the inside out with the help of some hot chocolate. Here's Addie and Jaron being silly.

Ryan and I with our little one.

Preston seems to always find something to smile about. After getting warm, we went and fed the reindeer with our kids. It was neat for them to see what real reindeer look like. We had a fabulous night!

Growing Girl

Introducing "Little Miss Smiley Eyes." It takes a big smile to lift up those heavy cheeks.

Annalise coos and sings most of the day.

Does she look like me? What do you think?

Big Boy Bed

A few months ago, we decided it was definitely time to move Preston to a big boy bed. The change was long overdue, I admit. But I had enjoyed keeping the little terror contained in his "baby jail" as long as possible. I found this bed on KSL and had to get it.

He loves it as you can see. But as I suspected, it has been harder to get him to go to sleep. We got the car bedding and piggy bank at Target. Now I just have to paint his room and get a few more decorations and he'll have a perfect car retreat.

Family Christmas Picture 2009

Merry Christmas! We finally got our family pictures done and I thought we'd share it. It is always more and more work with each kid, but I am so thankful to finally have a picture with our sweet baby.

We wish you each a wonderful holiday season and hope things are "merry and bright!"

The First Laugh

Now I know most people are concerned with getting the "last laugh." Well, I was more concerned with getting the FIRST. Here's a video of our darling little 3 month old baby girl laughing for the first time in her life this past Tuesday. I may have guessed that it would be Preston that brought it out of her. He is definitely the funniest person in our family--it seems Annalise would deem him hysterical.

Halloween Night

Our family did the "Peter Pan" costume theme this year for Halloween. Preston was of course Peter Pan with his strawberry blond hair (I made his costume because I couldn't find one in the stores), Adelyn was the pixie Tinkerbell, I was Wendy, and Ryan was a pirate. Notwithstanding our many attempts to teach Preston proper trick-or-treat etiquette, he went absolutely crazy at our ward truck-or-treat. He ran from car to car with a glazed and purposeful look on his face, way ahead of all of us. He'd reach up on his tip-toes and grab his treat before even saying trick-or-treat and was off again. We had to really watch him or he'd grab multiple treats or accidentally take treats out of other innocent trick-or-treaters' sacks. He was a mad man on a candy mission! The funny thing was, he really had no idea he was being so naughty.

Annalise finally decided to wake up and get dressed in her costume after we got home for the night. She slept in the Bjorn the whole time we were out trick-or treating. She was Michael's (Wendy's brother) teddy bear.

Our dancing fairy.

Our kids were candy crazy by the end of the night. We watch a scary movie (Monster vs. Aliens), ate squash soup, drank homemade wassail. . . and ate just a few more pieces of candy before turning in for the night. We had a great Halloween!

Scroll down for more Halloween posts. . . if you dare.

Hee Haws Field Trip

For Halloween, we got to join Adelyn's preschool class at Hee Haw Farms. We went on a wagon hay ride, slid down a really fast slide on a potato sack, pet some baby animals in the petting zoo, and picked our own pumpkins in the pumpkin patch. It was tons of fun!

Farmer Addie.

Cute kids.

Preston petting the baby pigs in the petting zoo.

Adelyn riding the horse swings. Yee Haw!

Pumpkins...Pumpkins

My cute family with their pumpkins.

A close up of the finished products. Adelyn's is the big green one that she picked out at Hee Haw's. Preston's is the small green acorn SQUASH. Of all the pumpkins at Hee Haws, he chose this tiny thing. . . silly boy. And of course, Ryan's is the one carved with an Eiffel Tower and the French words: "Joyeuse Halloween." So predictable. :)

Sugar Cookie Queen

Whenever there are cookies to be made, Adelyn is the first one to pitch in and help.

She loves mixing, baking, icing, and sprinkling cookies of all kinds. We spent all afternoon one day last week making our sugar cookies. It has become an annual Halloween tradition. We love it!

We made pumpkins, ghosts, haunted houses, bats, moons, and cats. Then we took them around to all the neighbors. . . and ate just a couple ourselves, of course.

Baby Bath Time

Just thought I'd share these darling pictures.

As you can see, Annalise has developed some substantial rolls. But all in the right places, of course. :)

She is the sweetest little baby. We love her so much.

Happy Birthday to...

My best friend of 15 years: Leslie!

We met in 7th grade French class. And after I invited myself to her birthday party (inside joke), we've been best friends ever since. As Anne of Green Gables would say, we are "kindred spirits." We roomed together in college, both married boys from our single's ward, and are now both blissfully happy raising our families. (I wish I could say we lived next door to each other as we always joked, but we don't.)

After 15 years of friendship, I still call her every week, solicit her advice on various topics ranging from decorating to marriage, and laugh hysterically with her about the insanity of our lives.

A few photos:

We were rock stars for Halloween our Freshman year of college. We have at times been mistaken for sisters, and I can totally see why from this picture.

She was also one of my bridesmaids at my wedding.

We've been through a lot together and I am so grateful for her willingness to always see the best in me. You've been the very best of friends, Leslie. Happy Birthday!!!

My Growing Boy

We finally got Preston's 2-year old portraits taken about a month ago (almost two months late). Every time I was about to go get them done, he would get a new goose egg, bruise, or scratch on his face and we'd postpone it another week. Not even an hour after I made the appointment this time, he cut his head while playing on the swing set. Fortunately, it didn't bleed much and he didn't need stitches. I know is sounds vain, but I would have been devastated if they shaved his head! Anyway, we were able to fix his hair so the scab didn't even show--thank goodness!

This one captured his personality quite well.

He did a great job, but if you look closely at this one, you will notice a little tear mark on his shirt. He started the photo session crying and refusing to smile. The photographer was great though and had him laughing within a couple minutes. He even gave Preston a sticker for every good picture. And as you can see, he took plenty and got lots of stickers.

Cute and cheesy.

An artistic profile shot.

The proud two-year old.